A Special Request

Hey family:) How is everyone doing? Well I have a proposition for you and if you are against it then you don't have to do it. But it's something that I've been really struggling with lately and I've realized I might need a little more help. So as you know I like to beat myself up a lot. My self confidence has never really been the greatest. I think it's a trial both meg and I have. But It got to a point a couple weeks ago where I was just sick of it. I was sick of telling myself how I'm not good enough, I'm not smart, I'm never going to get the language, I'm not a good missionary.. Blah blah blah. I think being here I've been really beating myself up because I just want to be this good missionary, but I never feel like I'm going to be good enough. I think the number one thing that's causing it obviously is Satan!!!! He keeps telling me that I'm never going to get it and that I should just give up. But I don't want to!! I can't!! So since I've been having all these stupid thoughts, so I decided to talk to our senior couple who is like the like the mental health guy for the mission. So I was just talking to him and asking him how I can control my thoughts better and actually be ok with the person that I am and not wish I was smart, prettier, could sing better? Whatever it may be. So he's been helping me the past couple weeks. He's been making me write down all my thoughts that I have been having and then coming up with a rational answer. So like if I say I'm not smart I would say like I know how to read? Or something like that. So anyways we got on the subject of the Language. And something that you should know is I have this HUGE desire to learn this language. I can't even explain in words how badly I want to learn this language and I feel like it's never going to come. Yeah I know I'm being to hard on myself.. which is what I'm working on. But I just don't understand. I'm working hard, I'm doing the mission language plan, I talk to people, Like I am doing everything Heavenly Father asks and I know I can always be better at it, but I just feel like I have this desire and I'm doing what I should, so why am I not improving? I don't want to learn the language so I can come home and speak incredible Russian, but just so I can help people and understand what they're saying. So my conclusion is... Haha me and Elder Blackwell have talked and I'm going to sacrifice something. I've been fasting every single Sunday since I got into the mission field, but I think it's time to pick a different sacrifice? I'm not sure what it will be yet.. So I'll be figuring it out and I'll let you know what I've decided. But yeah and my question for you is, could we do a family fast this Sunday together? I just think it will really help especially if we do it as a family instead of just me..  Don't be worried about me or anything I'm so good. This is just something that I really want to achieve and I know I can do it with the Lords help. I just have to prove to him how much I want it. So if you would like to fast with me I would love that:) If not.. Then that's ok too:) Haha Anyways I hope everyone is doing good and are having a good week!! I love you so much. I miss you like crazy. But know I pray for you every day. Thanks for all your prayers and support. I know I could not do it without you. I'll talk to you on monday k!! Love you!!